TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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