Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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