can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
