dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
