operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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