like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
