i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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