i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
