i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
