I think my vagina is haunted
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
