The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
