You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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