This is not my ceiling
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
