He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
