apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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