I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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