i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
