Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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