how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
