how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Randomize
