just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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