Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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