i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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