The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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