So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
