It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
