I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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