Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
