I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
