birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
