There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
