I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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