Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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