I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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