So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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