It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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