walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
