Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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