just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
