The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
