You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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