Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
