I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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