I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
