hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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