just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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