Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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