you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
