They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
