I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
